I bet it's cow turd.
Everybody started to make a big fuss about 2012 just because some smart ass said that the Maya calendar ends in 23 December,I mean we aren't that lucky to get of this planet that easily we still have a few decades to bust our asses working here.
And even if that calendar ends 2 more calendars ended before and the end was seen only by the people who stayed behind me when I farted.
I bet that 2 days before "the end" everybody is gonna go crazy and do stupid things,those being what they always wanted to do.So don't be surprised to see: naked people running like in American Pie:Naked Mile,millionaires wasting their money on bullshit ,people bungee jumping off their roofs etc. I'll probably be eating at KFC or watching a movie at the cinema.
And if it's gonna be the end of something,it's gonna be the end of the world as we know it,so maybe they'll change the name of the planet ,it's gonna be called The Fart.
Or maybe we'll be invaded by man eating gnomes which have their headquarters on the dark side of the moon,but I'll start building a anti-gnome bunker,and in 2012 in my bunker will be the last survivors,maybe their already here and disguised as....MIDGETS..wait...they already have actors and porn stars,so the invasion started.
Yeah....maybe I should stop sleeping with my TV on.
Guys I'm leaving for 2-3 weeks ,I'm going in Damascus at my other grandparents and I don't know how I'm gonna write because in Syria they don't use the internet to much,but I'll find somewhere a internet-cafe somewhere.
Told you.
7.20.2009
7.19.2009
"Perfect" day:The rotten apple
I'm just not made to be lucky.
It was Saturday,I was home alone...everything was perfect.Well not really it was a total disaster.
The previous night my mom told me that she and my lil bro will go at the zoo in Belgrade,Serbia and that I'm gonna be alone all the day,she said that shes gonna leave me some money in case I run out of food.So then I went to sleep.
At 9 am someone started ringing at the bell I didn't want to answer but the damn bastards insisted ,so I went to see who it was,they where Jehovah witnesses,after they introduced their selves If I was a bit angrier I would have said "The only thing you're gonna witness today is may ass." But i just shut the door and went back in bed.
After I fell asleep in less than 5 min my mom called.She told me that she forgot to leave me money and that the fridge is almost empty./facepalm.I couldn't go back to sleep so I went in the kitchen and the only thing I found was a pack of rice... so I started cooking.But I still needed my juice so I went outside to take some apples and made some juice,of course one of the apples was rotten,but I didn't realize that only after I drank two glasses.
I didn't eat anything because the rice was disgusting and after drinking that juice suddenly the toilet became my best friend...so i Didn't leave home a few hours and when I finally felt better I went with a friend at the Beer Festival but not so surprisingly when we arrived there the rain started So I came back home and went to sleep.
That's the damn juice.
It was Saturday,I was home alone...everything was perfect.Well not really it was a total disaster.
The previous night my mom told me that she and my lil bro will go at the zoo in Belgrade,Serbia and that I'm gonna be alone all the day,she said that shes gonna leave me some money in case I run out of food.So then I went to sleep.
At 9 am someone started ringing at the bell I didn't want to answer but the damn bastards insisted ,so I went to see who it was,they where Jehovah witnesses,after they introduced their selves If I was a bit angrier I would have said "The only thing you're gonna witness today is may ass." But i just shut the door and went back in bed.
After I fell asleep in less than 5 min my mom called.She told me that she forgot to leave me money and that the fridge is almost empty./facepalm.I couldn't go back to sleep so I went in the kitchen and the only thing I found was a pack of rice... so I started cooking.But I still needed my juice so I went outside to take some apples and made some juice,of course one of the apples was rotten,but I didn't realize that only after I drank two glasses.
I didn't eat anything because the rice was disgusting and after drinking that juice suddenly the toilet became my best friend...so i Didn't leave home a few hours and when I finally felt better I went with a friend at the Beer Festival but not so surprisingly when we arrived there the rain started So I came back home and went to sleep.
That's the damn juice.
7.18.2009
10 questions that scientists can't answer
See? Nobody's perfect.
1.Is Fido a zombie?
Well...first of all who the fuck is Fido...it sounds like a dogs name.Mmmm... maybe it's a dog zombie or something like that.It just comes out of the grade and shits in your backyard at night.
2.Why is time so weird?
Why are people so weird?Why does my food smell weird?
3.Can i live forever please?
This one is easy:Just put your brain in a jar and connect it on a animal ... I've seen it in a reality show...or was it cartoon? Who cares?
4.What are we going to do with the stupid?
Were going to pass it over from generation to generation.
5.What is the dark side?
The side where it's dark.
6.Is the universe alive?
Poke it with a stick and see.
7.Are you the same person you were a minute ago?
Well it depends you could be a rich and happy man now and after a minute you could be in debt and hunted by the mafia.So no you're not the same person you were a minute before.
8.Why are we all so fat... and does it really matter?
Are they serious?No really?
9.Can we really be sure the paranormal is bunkum?
Yes.You ain't gonna see ghost or other shit unless you take aboard a few beers and some absint.
10.What is reality, really?
Well reality is...debt,pain,unhappiness,stupid politicians and a lot of people without anything...yep that's all of it...I think.
It wasn't so though answering those questions,wasn't it?
1.Is Fido a zombie?
Well...first of all who the fuck is Fido...it sounds like a dogs name.Mmmm... maybe it's a dog zombie or something like that.It just comes out of the grade and shits in your backyard at night.
2.Why is time so weird?
Why are people so weird?Why does my food smell weird?
3.Can i live forever please?
This one is easy:Just put your brain in a jar and connect it on a animal ... I've seen it in a reality show...or was it cartoon? Who cares?
4.What are we going to do with the stupid?
Were going to pass it over from generation to generation.
5.What is the dark side?
The side where it's dark.
6.Is the universe alive?
Poke it with a stick and see.
7.Are you the same person you were a minute ago?
Well it depends you could be a rich and happy man now and after a minute you could be in debt and hunted by the mafia.So no you're not the same person you were a minute before.
8.Why are we all so fat... and does it really matter?
Are they serious?No really?
9.Can we really be sure the paranormal is bunkum?
Yes.You ain't gonna see ghost or other shit unless you take aboard a few beers and some absint.
10.What is reality, really?
Well reality is...debt,pain,unhappiness,stupid politicians and a lot of people without anything...yep that's all of it...I think.
It wasn't so though answering those questions,wasn't it?
7.17.2009
Lying
Lying is a bad thing but sometimes it could save your life...or it could just make you die faster.
Well I always get away when I lie..well almost every time,it depends on how you lie,here area few tips about how to lie...they worked in my case.
But first of all don't lie if you don't have to because it could damage your reputation and it could get you in a shitload of trouble.
1.Never start laughing when you lie,because then the person you lie to will realize that you're lying.I lied once to my ex girlfriend...and I accidentally smiled...that was worse than a near death experience.
2.Before you lie to somebody first think if he/she can find out the truth from another person.Because then you could end up in a pretty fucked up situation.
3.Keep your calm,because if your stressed it;s easy to see that you're lying and if you don't menage to keep your calm you can combine the lie with a bit of truth.
4.Don't exaggerate or speak in a different way that you usually do.
5.Fake a memory loss or play dumb.
6.If you lie to somebody don't forget what you lied about,because it won't end well if you say to the same person the opposite thing,and in a conversation try to slide in the lie but don't insist on that subject.
This is how I lie when it's necessary,but you can look up the internet for more advices.
Well I always get away when I lie..well almost every time,it depends on how you lie,here area few tips about how to lie...they worked in my case.
But first of all don't lie if you don't have to because it could damage your reputation and it could get you in a shitload of trouble.
1.Never start laughing when you lie,because then the person you lie to will realize that you're lying.I lied once to my ex girlfriend...and I accidentally smiled...that was worse than a near death experience.
2.Before you lie to somebody first think if he/she can find out the truth from another person.Because then you could end up in a pretty fucked up situation.
3.Keep your calm,because if your stressed it;s easy to see that you're lying and if you don't menage to keep your calm you can combine the lie with a bit of truth.
4.Don't exaggerate or speak in a different way that you usually do.
5.Fake a memory loss or play dumb.
6.If you lie to somebody don't forget what you lied about,because it won't end well if you say to the same person the opposite thing,and in a conversation try to slide in the lie but don't insist on that subject.
This is how I lie when it's necessary,but you can look up the internet for more advices.
7.16.2009
Police Joke Day
1.Police at the cinema:
Two policeman went to the cinema.the lady asked them what they wanted and one of them said:
I'd like two tickets for the movie please.At which the lady said:
I'm sorry but we ran out of tickets.
Policeman 2:O..well that's not a problem just tell us where they ran and well catch them.
2.The kid and the policeman:
A kid was playing on the beach when the policeman asked him:
P:What are you doing?
K:I'm making a policeman out of sand.
P:And what is the policeman made of?
K:Well...sand,water and shit.
When the policeman hears that he beats the crap out of that kid and tells him not to do that again.
The next day:
P:what are you making now?
K:A fireman.
P:And what is he made of?
K:Sand and water.
P:Why don't you use shit again?
k:Because then it would be a policeman.
3.The Fly and the Police:
How does a policeman vex a fly?
He closes it in a jar and eats shit in front of it.
Two policeman went to the cinema.the lady asked them what they wanted and one of them said:
I'd like two tickets for the movie please.At which the lady said:
I'm sorry but we ran out of tickets.
Policeman 2:O..well that's not a problem just tell us where they ran and well catch them.
2.The kid and the policeman:
A kid was playing on the beach when the policeman asked him:
P:What are you doing?
K:I'm making a policeman out of sand.
P:And what is the policeman made of?
K:Well...sand,water and shit.
When the policeman hears that he beats the crap out of that kid and tells him not to do that again.
The next day:
P:what are you making now?
K:A fireman.
P:And what is he made of?
K:Sand and water.
P:Why don't you use shit again?
k:Because then it would be a policeman.
3.The Fly and the Police:
How does a policeman vex a fly?
He closes it in a jar and eats shit in front of it.
7.15.2009
Things we're not supposed to know
They can't hide everything from people.
1.The ten commandment e always see aren't really the ten commandments.There are only 7.
I. Thou shalt worship no other god.
II. Thou shalt make thee no molten gods.
III.. The feast of unleavened bread thou shalt keep
IV. Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest.
V. Thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, of the first fruits of wheat harvest, and the feast of
in gathering at the year's end.
VI. Thrice In the year shall all your men children appear before the Lord God.
VII. Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leaven
2.One of the popes wrote a erotic book.Pope Pius II,before being a pope he was a poet,scholar,diplomat,and rakehell.Seems he was a kinky bastard too.
3.After 9/11 the defense department wanted to poison Afghanistan's food supply.
Well that wouldn't have worked because with what food they eat there the only thing that could happen tp them is a stomach ache.
4.Winston Churchill believed in a world wide Jewish conspiracy.
Well maybe he was right,damn bastards.
5.The police aren't legally obligated to protect you.
I think many people managed to figure that out on their own.
6.Genetically-Engineered humans have already been born.
The end is approaching.
7.Prescription pills kill over 100.000 people every year.
I knew that doctors are evil...I bet 50.000 people die at dentists.
8.Work kills more people than war.
So get a beer start the TV and watch the game...and you could also get popcorn.
9.Carl Sagan was a avid pot smoker.
Who says when you're high you won't have good ideas ?
10.That Elvis is still alive.
Yeah BABY!Thank you,thank you very much!...wait..
1.The ten commandment e always see aren't really the ten commandments.There are only 7.
I. Thou shalt worship no other god.
II. Thou shalt make thee no molten gods.
III.. The feast of unleavened bread thou shalt keep
IV. Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest.
V. Thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, of the first fruits of wheat harvest, and the feast of
in gathering at the year's end.
VI. Thrice In the year shall all your men children appear before the Lord God.
VII. Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leaven
2.One of the popes wrote a erotic book.Pope Pius II,before being a pope he was a poet,scholar,diplomat,and rakehell.Seems he was a kinky bastard too.
3.After 9/11 the defense department wanted to poison Afghanistan's food supply.
Well that wouldn't have worked because with what food they eat there the only thing that could happen tp them is a stomach ache.
4.Winston Churchill believed in a world wide Jewish conspiracy.
Well maybe he was right,damn bastards.
5.The police aren't legally obligated to protect you.
I think many people managed to figure that out on their own.
6.Genetically-Engineered humans have already been born.
The end is approaching.
7.Prescription pills kill over 100.000 people every year.
I knew that doctors are evil...I bet 50.000 people die at dentists.
8.Work kills more people than war.
So get a beer start the TV and watch the game...and you could also get popcorn.
9.Carl Sagan was a avid pot smoker.
Who says when you're high you won't have good ideas ?
10.That Elvis is still alive.
Yeah BABY!Thank you,thank you very much!...wait..
7.13.2009
"Perfect" days:10 X Fail II
After 4 days of continuous fail...why wouldn't it continue?
DAY 5: We managed to find somebody which spoke Romanian...well she didn't know to much but we managed to understand what she said and found a place where to sleep.There ,after we put all our stuff in the rooms we went to eat...unfortunately we didn't take so much food with us and half of the food which we took was rotten...so we ate only tomatoes with cheese and bread.The whole day.
DAY 6:We planed to visit some interesting places in that area.So after we ate again tomatoes with cheese and bread we hoped in the car and lef....the car didn't started.
The damn fuel pump was broken...and then my grandpa said:"Oh it already broke?Because the mechanic said it will hold a week.".So my grandpa knew that the damn car was broken.We managed to find somebody to change it but we couldn't talk with him because he didn't speak Romanian.Finally after hours of trying to make him understand we managed to change it ,but it was already late so we still didn't see anything.And we ate tomatoes and cheese again.
DAY 7: So with the car repaired the next morning we didn't even eat and hoped in the car and lef....the car didn't start...again.The battery was dead from to many attempts to start the car the previous day.So I had to pus it..alone.. 2km until it started...I had to pus it alone because my grandpa is to old and my dad had to stay at the steering wheel.Finally after it started we went at that place just to find out it's closed for repairing.The moment I saw the sign in my mind:"Holy Fucking Shit!Fuck!Crap!etc.".
DAY 8:Hungry and disappointed we went back home we wanted to get home fast so we used the GPS and we used the shortest way.After hours of driving we found ourselves in the middle of fucking nowhere...NEVER! and I repeat NEVER use the shortest way on the GPS.Around 12 AM we arrived home and my grandpa realized that he forgot to tell my uncle when he leaves to let the keys in the mail.So we slept in the car until the next day when my uncle came and opened the damn door.
That four-leaf clover is bullshit,Damn you karma!One day I'm gonna get you.
DAY 5: We managed to find somebody which spoke Romanian...well she didn't know to much but we managed to understand what she said and found a place where to sleep.There ,after we put all our stuff in the rooms we went to eat...unfortunately we didn't take so much food with us and half of the food which we took was rotten...so we ate only tomatoes with cheese and bread.The whole day.
DAY 6:We planed to visit some interesting places in that area.So after we ate again tomatoes with cheese and bread we hoped in the car and lef....the car didn't started.
The damn fuel pump was broken...and then my grandpa said:"Oh it already broke?Because the mechanic said it will hold a week.".So my grandpa knew that the damn car was broken.We managed to find somebody to change it but we couldn't talk with him because he didn't speak Romanian.Finally after hours of trying to make him understand we managed to change it ,but it was already late so we still didn't see anything.And we ate tomatoes and cheese again.
DAY 7: So with the car repaired the next morning we didn't even eat and hoped in the car and lef....the car didn't start...again.The battery was dead from to many attempts to start the car the previous day.So I had to pus it..alone.. 2km until it started...I had to pus it alone because my grandpa is to old and my dad had to stay at the steering wheel.Finally after it started we went at that place just to find out it's closed for repairing.The moment I saw the sign in my mind:"Holy Fucking Shit!Fuck!Crap!etc.".
DAY 8:Hungry and disappointed we went back home we wanted to get home fast so we used the GPS and we used the shortest way.After hours of driving we found ourselves in the middle of fucking nowhere...NEVER! and I repeat NEVER use the shortest way on the GPS.Around 12 AM we arrived home and my grandpa realized that he forgot to tell my uncle when he leaves to let the keys in the mail.So we slept in the car until the next day when my uncle came and opened the damn door.
That four-leaf clover is bullshit,Damn you karma!One day I'm gonna get you.
7.12.2009
"Perfect" days:10 X Fail
I'm back,I didn't write in the last 8 days because I went on a trip which was a complete disaster...mostly.
DAY 1:My father came in my room at 6 am and woke me up saying "Hurry were gonna be late if we don't go.",I was like "WTF is happening?",we had to go at my grandpa that day at the countryside,I completely forgot about that and had to pack my thing fast and we left in a hurry,only after we left I realized that I forgot a lot of things,including my shoes.Anyways,after hours of reminding stuff that I forgot we finally arrived at my grandpa.
DAY 2:My grandpa woke me up at 6 am to send me at the shop to buy some fruits.FUCK!at 6 am I can't even find the toilet.And later I had to climb a tree to get some cherries,of course I fell from the tree and on my way do I broke a branch,my grandpa was worried about the branch.
DAY 3:We went at the swimming pool,I didn't get sunburns,but I have a few (many) scratches on my back from the sidebars of the pool.But at least I found a four-leaf clover in the pool,which really brings luck ...well in my case it could be called luck.
DAY 4:We went at the mountains,half way there the cars radiator broke down,there was a hole in int and it look as if the radiator was pissing,we stayed 3 hours thinking how to get water not knowing that a spring was right near the car.after we filled it with water we used soap on the whole but that didn't last long so we had to stop in the nearest village.In the village we stopped nobody knew Romanian,HOLY FUCKING CHRIST! we were in the middle of Romania and nobody spoke Romanian everybody was Hungarian.
The next 4 days will be in the next post.
DAY 1:My father came in my room at 6 am and woke me up saying "Hurry were gonna be late if we don't go.",I was like "WTF is happening?",we had to go at my grandpa that day at the countryside,I completely forgot about that and had to pack my thing fast and we left in a hurry,only after we left I realized that I forgot a lot of things,including my shoes.Anyways,after hours of reminding stuff that I forgot we finally arrived at my grandpa.
DAY 2:My grandpa woke me up at 6 am to send me at the shop to buy some fruits.FUCK!at 6 am I can't even find the toilet.And later I had to climb a tree to get some cherries,of course I fell from the tree and on my way do I broke a branch,my grandpa was worried about the branch.
DAY 3:We went at the swimming pool,I didn't get sunburns,but I have a few (many) scratches on my back from the sidebars of the pool.But at least I found a four-leaf clover in the pool,which really brings luck ...well in my case it could be called luck.
DAY 4:We went at the mountains,half way there the cars radiator broke down,there was a hole in int and it look as if the radiator was pissing,we stayed 3 hours thinking how to get water not knowing that a spring was right near the car.after we filled it with water we used soap on the whole but that didn't last long so we had to stop in the nearest village.In the village we stopped nobody knew Romanian,HOLY FUCKING CHRIST! we were in the middle of Romania and nobody spoke Romanian everybody was Hungarian.
The next 4 days will be in the next post.
7.02.2009
Things any woman should know
1. If you think you're fate...the probably you are,so don't keep asking your boyfriend if you are.
2. Never cut your hair.Never...
3.Birthdays, Valentines Day and anniversaries aren't a competitions : "Who gets the best gift".
4. If you ask a question at which you don't want an answer,then be ready to hear something you don't want to.
5.Shopping isn't a sport.
6.You look good in any clothes...seriously...
7.You have enough clothes.
8.You have to many shoes.
9.Anything that the man said last week doesn't matter in today's argue...
10.Get rid of the cat.Anything is better than a cat...maybe a turtle?.
11.A man doesn't know what day it is.He will never know. Mark all the birthdays and anniversaries in the calendar.
12.Even if you're the beautifulest woman in the world,once in a while he will want to date another girl.
13.If you always want flowers,it won't be such a surprise when you get them.
14.If he sees you kiss a girl and you liked it,be sure that he's never gonna forget that.
15.It could be true that all the good thins in this world are for free, but they might have something to do with sex.
2. Never cut your hair.Never...
3.Birthdays, Valentines Day and anniversaries aren't a competitions : "Who gets the best gift".
4. If you ask a question at which you don't want an answer,then be ready to hear something you don't want to.
5.Shopping isn't a sport.
6.You look good in any clothes...seriously...
7.You have enough clothes.
8.You have to many shoes.
9.Anything that the man said last week doesn't matter in today's argue...
10.Get rid of the cat.Anything is better than a cat...maybe a turtle?.
11.A man doesn't know what day it is.He will never know. Mark all the birthdays and anniversaries in the calendar.
12.Even if you're the beautifulest woman in the world,once in a while he will want to date another girl.
13.If you always want flowers,it won't be such a surprise when you get them.
14.If he sees you kiss a girl and you liked it,be sure that he's never gonna forget that.
15.It could be true that all the good thins in this world are for free, but they might have something to do with sex.
Random Joke Day
Blond at Church:
A blond goes with her mom at the church and suddenly she felt sick and had to puke.Her mom told her to run outside and go puke in the bushes,after 2 min the blond was back,her mother asked:
m:"How did you come back so fast?"
b:"Well..I didn't go to the bushes because it was to far away so I just went at that box in from of the church on which was written "For the sick people".
Owned:
One day a salesman knocks at a old lady's door,having a vacuum cleaner in his hand.
Sale:"I'd like to present you the new and improved vacuum cleaner" and throws a lot of turd on the carpet.
Sale:"If this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean all that turd I'm gonna eat it."
OldL:"Well then I hope your hungry because I don't have electricity."
Politics:
One day Tim asks his father what are Politics? at which his father answers :
dad:Well...how can I explain it too you...for example I bring the money in the house so I am the Capitalism.Your mom menages the money so she is the Government.We take care of you so you are the "People",your nanny is the Working Class and your little brother is the Future,now go an think about it while you sleep.
The boy goes to sleep and thinks about it.
In the middle of the nigh he wake up suddenly hearing his brother cry,runs to see what happened and sees that he shit himself ,runs at his mom ,but she was sleeping so he didn't want to wake her up,runs at the nanny and here father was fucking her...then the next morning:
Tim:"Father I think I understood what you told me last night..."
Dad:"Let's hear it."
Tim:"Well...while the Capitalism is fucking the Working Class,the Government is sleeping,the People aren't taken care of and the Future is full of shit."
This represents my blogs visitors/visits/hits...and it could also represent my budget...until and after going out with a girl...
A blond goes with her mom at the church and suddenly she felt sick and had to puke.Her mom told her to run outside and go puke in the bushes,after 2 min the blond was back,her mother asked:
m:"How did you come back so fast?"
b:"Well..I didn't go to the bushes because it was to far away so I just went at that box in from of the church on which was written "For the sick people".
Owned:
One day a salesman knocks at a old lady's door,having a vacuum cleaner in his hand.
Sale:"I'd like to present you the new and improved vacuum cleaner" and throws a lot of turd on the carpet.
Sale:"If this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean all that turd I'm gonna eat it."
OldL:"Well then I hope your hungry because I don't have electricity."
Politics:
One day Tim asks his father what are Politics? at which his father answers :
dad:Well...how can I explain it too you...for example I bring the money in the house so I am the Capitalism.Your mom menages the money so she is the Government.We take care of you so you are the "People",your nanny is the Working Class and your little brother is the Future,now go an think about it while you sleep.
The boy goes to sleep and thinks about it.
In the middle of the nigh he wake up suddenly hearing his brother cry,runs to see what happened and sees that he shit himself ,runs at his mom ,but she was sleeping so he didn't want to wake her up,runs at the nanny and here father was fucking her...then the next morning:
Tim:"Father I think I understood what you told me last night..."
Dad:"Let's hear it."
Tim:"Well...while the Capitalism is fucking the Working Class,the Government is sleeping,the People aren't taken care of and the Future is full of shit."
This represents my blogs visitors/visits/hits...and it could also represent my budget...until and after going out with a girl...
7.01.2009
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