Often heard and usually used by aa..."simple".. people.
Always used:
1."Can I ask you a question?"
You already have sunshine.Sorry you're out of questions.
While sleeping some comes(usually mothers):
2."Are you sleeping?"
No,I'm just resting eyes that's why I have that sign on the door saying DO NOT DISTURB.
3."How can I see if a turtle is a male or female?"
Put a beer in front of it and if it come towards the beer then it's a male or you can grab it by it's tail and ...wait... never mind.
While working on something important,when you are very concentrated.
4."Am I disturbing?Can you please come and help me with something? Thanks." and leaves.
In this situation any people would say "GOD DAMN IT!"
While I was working at my dads shop I heard it many time.
5."Can I buy this?" ...
Holy crap! It's a god damn shop!
12.29.2009
12.24.2009
Happy Christmas !
Happy Christmas everyone take care of your children because Santa is coming with the pedomobile.
May the good times and treasures of the present become the golden memories of tomorrow. Wish you lots of love, joy and happiness. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I really like this one ^
Yo ho *burp*!
May the good times and treasures of the present become the golden memories of tomorrow. Wish you lots of love, joy and happiness. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I really like this one ^
Yo ho *burp*!
12.18.2009
Dealing with people
I haven't posted anything lately because I started working this month to make more money for the holidays...gifts and all that bullshit.
I work at my dad's shop so I have to deal with different people from stupid people to those who think their very smart(still stupid anyways).
Dealing with some of them can be very difficult,sometimes I really want to punch them in the face but them I couldn't work there anymore so I just keep my temper and say "...*deep breath*...Can I help you with something else?"...Then they leave...Holy carp once I almost threw a ninja sword after somebody.
Snobby people always want the things located on the top shelf,because they're all smart asses and chances are I'm going to brake something trying to reach whatever they want.I always ask them:
"Are you sure you want that?"
Snob:"Yes,of course,I will buy it."
After I take it and give it to them then ...
Snob:"Oh...AAA...were gonna look around and come back to buy it."
Another way of saying it would be:
"Oh...this sucks were never going to come back here....SUCKER!"
I hate it when people ask stupid questions like:
What kind of plastic is this? "It's made from China's ass"
What's the price? ..When it has the price written on it.
Does this mug brake? "No god damn it it's bullet proof."
And many other stupid questions maybe I'll make a post with them.
Probably you're gonna see me on CNN as the angry shop keep which killed many people with a plastic gun and a wooden sword.
I work at my dad's shop so I have to deal with different people from stupid people to those who think their very smart(still stupid anyways).
Dealing with some of them can be very difficult,sometimes I really want to punch them in the face but them I couldn't work there anymore so I just keep my temper and say "...*deep breath*...Can I help you with something else?"...Then they leave...Holy carp once I almost threw a ninja sword after somebody.
Snobby people always want the things located on the top shelf,because they're all smart asses and chances are I'm going to brake something trying to reach whatever they want.I always ask them:
"Are you sure you want that?"
Snob:"Yes,of course,I will buy it."
After I take it and give it to them then ...
Snob:"Oh...AAA...were gonna look around and come back to buy it."
Another way of saying it would be:
"Oh...this sucks were never going to come back here....SUCKER!"
I hate it when people ask stupid questions like:
What kind of plastic is this? "It's made from China's ass"
What's the price? ..When it has the price written on it.
Does this mug brake? "No god damn it it's bullet proof."
And many other stupid questions maybe I'll make a post with them.
Probably you're gonna see me on CNN as the angry shop keep which killed many people with a plastic gun and a wooden sword.
12.05.2009
How to see if somebody is a skinflint
Also known as Jews,damn them.
1.Doesn't leave a tip,
I used to work as a waiter and some people,not so many,never left a tip even though they came there almost every night.
2.At the restaurant when the bill come they look after flies or go at the toilet and jump out the window,hopefully the restaurant is a the 9th floor.
3.Sucks the blood out of the mosquito.
4.If he doesn't forget his wallet home them he'll probably say somebody stole it from him.
5.Has a double digestive system.
1.Doesn't leave a tip,
I used to work as a waiter and some people,not so many,never left a tip even though they came there almost every night.
2.At the restaurant when the bill come they look after flies or go at the toilet and jump out the window,hopefully the restaurant is a the 9th floor.
3.Sucks the blood out of the mosquito.
4.If he doesn't forget his wallet home them he'll probably say somebody stole it from him.
5.Has a double digestive system.
12.01.2009
How to see if your neighbors are complete idiots
I'm sure that everybody has,or had, stupid neighbors,these are just a few thing that happened to me.
1.While I was sleeping a neighbor came and started ringing at the door insistently ,so I woke up and went to see whats the problem.
I put up a smile and opened the door:
Me:"What seems to be the problem?"
Idiot:"I came to tell you to stop the music."
Me:"aaa... I know I start making funny noises when I sleep,but I don't rememebr being able to sing that loud."
Idiot:"Oh..you were sleeping...that means the music is coming from my sons room."
Me:"No shit?"
And I live at a house....
2.When my house was under construction I had a huge pile of sand in from of the house and one day I saw my damn neighbor taking it.
Me:"Wtf are you doing here?"
Idiot:"Well I though I could take some of it because I saw that you don't need it."
Me:"Oh so you didn't see the damn hose near the pile which is under construction?"
Idiot:"Ohhh.."
And more in another post.
1.While I was sleeping a neighbor came and started ringing at the door insistently ,so I woke up and went to see whats the problem.
I put up a smile and opened the door:
Me:"What seems to be the problem?"
Idiot:"I came to tell you to stop the music."
Me:"aaa... I know I start making funny noises when I sleep,but I don't rememebr being able to sing that loud."
Idiot:"Oh..you were sleeping...that means the music is coming from my sons room."
Me:"No shit?"
And I live at a house....
2.When my house was under construction I had a huge pile of sand in from of the house and one day I saw my damn neighbor taking it.
Me:"Wtf are you doing here?"
Idiot:"Well I though I could take some of it because I saw that you don't need it."
Me:"Oh so you didn't see the damn hose near the pile which is under construction?"
Idiot:"Ohhh.."
And more in another post.
Joke: Secret to a long marriage
With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister inquired trips to where? "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"
Ralph: "I'm going to go get her."
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister inquired trips to where? "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"
Ralph: "I'm going to go get her."
11.28.2009
How I understand sayings
I usually understand in my way sayings before I process them,to understand what they really mean.
1.An apple per day keeps the doctor away.
So if I gather apples every day when I go to the doctor I throw with them at him.
2.A picture is worth a thousand words.
I still got a F for drawing a picture instead of writing an essay.
3.Teamwork…means never having to take all the blame yourself.
It means you didn't do anything and it's the rest of the team's fault.
4.Speak softly and carry a big stick, you will go far.
I'm sure that the one who said this wasn't thinking at what I'm thinking.And I ain't saying what I'm thinking.
5.Money can’t buy you happiness.
But it sure sustains it.
6.Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
And sometimes it just stinks.
7.There is a light at the end of every tunnel.
And it's a damn train.
8.Happiness is the best face lift.
If you're to happy (gay) eventually some is gonna come and lift your face(your nose to be more precise).
9.The mind is like a parachute.
It doesn’t work unless it’s open.
10.Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.
Teacher talk...students sleep.
1.An apple per day keeps the doctor away.
So if I gather apples every day when I go to the doctor I throw with them at him.
2.A picture is worth a thousand words.
I still got a F for drawing a picture instead of writing an essay.
3.Teamwork…means never having to take all the blame yourself.
It means you didn't do anything and it's the rest of the team's fault.
4.Speak softly and carry a big stick, you will go far.
I'm sure that the one who said this wasn't thinking at what I'm thinking.And I ain't saying what I'm thinking.
5.Money can’t buy you happiness.
But it sure sustains it.
6.Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
And sometimes it just stinks.
7.There is a light at the end of every tunnel.
And it's a damn train.
8.Happiness is the best face lift.
If you're to happy (gay) eventually some is gonna come and lift your face(your nose to be more precise).
9.The mind is like a parachute.
It doesn’t work unless it’s open.
10.Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.
Teacher talk...students sleep.
11.23.2009
Didaskaleinophobia
This a dreadful disease..spread all around the world...everybody surfers from it...well..almost everybody who doesn't suffer from it suffers from geekness the only cure for this one is a silver bullet in the head.
Didaskaleinophobia is the fear of attending school and it had terrorized humans since the beginning of time.
Symptoms that you contacted didaskaleinophobia:
-you feel dizziness and your feet shaking when you're around the school;
-the constant need to go at the toilet;
-your heart beats faster;
-excessive sweating;
-living with the fear that you could die any moment hit by a spitball.
Ways to cure it:
It a very long and hard procedure:
-you have to take a short vacation and it's important you don't hear anything related to school.NO smartass jokes,NO references to how hard it is at school,NO teacher names.
-when you go back to school the first weeks you have to sleep during classes;
-and finally in the last 2 weeks of school you can start attending classes.
After the Summer Break you have to start all over again.
In the past days I've been busy and I couldn't post anything,soon I'm gonna start posting daily again.
Didaskaleinophobia is the fear of attending school and it had terrorized humans since the beginning of time.
Symptoms that you contacted didaskaleinophobia:
-you feel dizziness and your feet shaking when you're around the school;
-the constant need to go at the toilet;
-your heart beats faster;
-excessive sweating;
-living with the fear that you could die any moment hit by a spitball.
Ways to cure it:
It a very long and hard procedure:
-you have to take a short vacation and it's important you don't hear anything related to school.NO smartass jokes,NO references to how hard it is at school,NO teacher names.
-when you go back to school the first weeks you have to sleep during classes;
-and finally in the last 2 weeks of school you can start attending classes.
After the Summer Break you have to start all over again.
In the past days I've been busy and I couldn't post anything,soon I'm gonna start posting daily again.
11.19.2009
How to see if a man is gay
These signs will help you in life...hopefully if your a man your best friend isn't gay.
If he is...the if you really are his best friend...put him out of his misery.
1.If a man talks a lot about your muscles and keep trying to touch them.That ain't right.
2.If a man eats a banana and talks about sex with another man.
3.If he makes a strange squeak if he's scared.
4.If a man assists in a discussion about how other men look with women.
5.When a man has a rainbow in his room.
6.Considers a fruitcake as being a nice gift.
7.Has a funny German accent.
If he is...the if you really are his best friend...put him out of his misery.
1.If a man talks a lot about your muscles and keep trying to touch them.That ain't right.
2.If a man eats a banana and talks about sex with another man.
3.If he makes a strange squeak if he's scared.
4.If a man assists in a discussion about how other men look with women.
5.When a man has a rainbow in his room.
6.Considers a fruitcake as being a nice gift.
7.Has a funny German accent.
11.17.2009
Signs that you're talking with a stupid person
Until now I met a lot of stupid people,so I can easily see whether I'm talking with somebody or I'm just discussing politics with a vegetable.I'm not a genius planet,but some people are really stupid.
1.When you make fun of them,they they say:
"You're just making fun of me..."
you say :
"No,I'm not...I swear."
they say:
"Oh...(thinking)...OK."
-When you discuss something serious with them,they look very lost,trying to understand the fundamentals of the universe and what the fuck you're saying.
-When the only answer you her from them is "yes" or "I agree".Now you see the similarities between stupid people and politicians?
-Their gonna do about anything you tell them.
-When that person talks a lot and you don't understand anything.Again do you see the similarities between stupid people and politicians?
-When they try to use very complicated words and end up saying funny stuff.
"As Medulla oblongata influences our tintinnabulation which is quintessential we reached the conclusion that cookies are good...AAA...God Bless America!"
-When you have the sensation that you're talking with a tree.
-Always have a dumb impression on their face.
Inspired by the best.:D
1.When you make fun of them,they they say:
"You're just making fun of me..."
you say :
"No,I'm not...I swear."
they say:
"Oh...(thinking)...OK."
-When you discuss something serious with them,they look very lost,trying to understand the fundamentals of the universe and what the fuck you're saying.
-When the only answer you her from them is "yes" or "I agree".Now you see the similarities between stupid people and politicians?
-Their gonna do about anything you tell them.
-When that person talks a lot and you don't understand anything.Again do you see the similarities between stupid people and politicians?
-When they try to use very complicated words and end up saying funny stuff.
"As Medulla oblongata influences our tintinnabulation which is quintessential we reached the conclusion that cookies are good...AAA...God Bless America!"
-When you have the sensation that you're talking with a tree.
-Always have a dumb impression on their face.
Inspired by the best.:D
11.16.2009
Parody Religions
1.Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, also known as Pastafarianism, a parody of intelligent design.
I consider that spaghetti is very important but dudes...
2.Frisbeetarianism, a belief system created by American comedian George Carlin. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul is metaphorically tossed on a roof and simply stays there.
I know how that feels.
3.Invisible Pink Unicorn, a parody of theist definitions of God. It also highlights the arbitrary and unfalsifiable nature of religious belief, in a similar way to Russell's teapot.
Hey hey hey this one is real ,because I know that the pink unicorn takes you to the leprechauns pot of gold.
4.Last Thursdayism, a joke version of omphalism, created to demonstrate problems with unfalsifiable beliefs.
I know what you did last Thursday.
5.The Church of Google claiming Google is the closest thing human beings could find for a God.
Well we do find all our answers on Google.And if we die we will end up in supercomputer(heaven) or a 1gb memory stick(hell).
6.The Cult of Michael Jackson Translates Michael Jackson songs into parody scriptures. Teaches that if believers follow these translations it will lead to an enlightened life and bring peace on earth.
"All shall bring their children to me,or die slain by my nose."
7.The Dragon In My Garage coined by astronomer and astrochemist Carl Sagan.
I don't know about the dragon in my garage,but that Sandwich monster from under my bed really scares me.
8.The Great Pumpkin, a Santa Claus–like being in the comic strip Peanuts, an application of Christmas mythology to Halloween.
I consider that spaghetti is very important but dudes...
2.Frisbeetarianism, a belief system created by American comedian George Carlin. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul is metaphorically tossed on a roof and simply stays there.
I know how that feels.
3.Invisible Pink Unicorn, a parody of theist definitions of God. It also highlights the arbitrary and unfalsifiable nature of religious belief, in a similar way to Russell's teapot.
Hey hey hey this one is real ,because I know that the pink unicorn takes you to the leprechauns pot of gold.
4.Last Thursdayism, a joke version of omphalism, created to demonstrate problems with unfalsifiable beliefs.
I know what you did last Thursday.
5.The Church of Google claiming Google is the closest thing human beings could find for a God.
Well we do find all our answers on Google.And if we die we will end up in supercomputer(heaven) or a 1gb memory stick(hell).
6.The Cult of Michael Jackson Translates Michael Jackson songs into parody scriptures. Teaches that if believers follow these translations it will lead to an enlightened life and bring peace on earth.
"All shall bring their children to me,or die slain by my nose."
7.The Dragon In My Garage coined by astronomer and astrochemist Carl Sagan.
I don't know about the dragon in my garage,but that Sandwich monster from under my bed really scares me.
8.The Great Pumpkin, a Santa Claus–like being in the comic strip Peanuts, an application of Christmas mythology to Halloween.
11.12.2009
Real letters sent to landlords
While I was at school I keep thinking how stupid can some people be,then I though of some funny letters I wrote and I found this on the internet.
1."Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."
2."I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my nob off."
3."This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."
4."I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."
5."I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
6."Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."
7."When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."
8."The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."
1."Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."
2."I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my nob off."
3."This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."
4."I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."
5."I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
6."Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."
7."When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."
8."The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."
11.11.2009
11.09.2009
21st Century Fail
Click on the image for a better view.
Daughter:"Mom...how can I get pregnant?"
Mom:"Well from where the fuck should I know,you're adopted..now go in your room and Google it."
Daughter:"Mom...how can I get pregnant?"
Mom:"Well from where the fuck should I know,you're adopted..now go in your room and Google it."
11.08.2009
Important corporative lessons 2
Lesson 3:
A bird was migrating south for the winter.
Being very cold the bird couldn't fly anymore and felt on a field.
While she was freezing to death on the ground a cow passed by and covered her in turd.
The bird realized that the turd kept her warm and started to feel better.Happy,she started to sing.
Then a cat passed near the turd and heard her singing so she went to see what's going on.
The cat found the bird,took her out of the turd,cleaned her then ate her.
From this we can reach 3 conclusions:
1.Not everybody who bury you in shit is an enemy.
2.Not everybody who take's yo out of shit is your friend.
3.When you're in deep shit,shut up!
A bird was migrating south for the winter.
Being very cold the bird couldn't fly anymore and felt on a field.
While she was freezing to death on the ground a cow passed by and covered her in turd.
The bird realized that the turd kept her warm and started to feel better.Happy,she started to sing.
Then a cat passed near the turd and heard her singing so she went to see what's going on.
The cat found the bird,took her out of the turd,cleaned her then ate her.
From this we can reach 3 conclusions:
1.Not everybody who bury you in shit is an enemy.
2.Not everybody who take's yo out of shit is your friend.
3.When you're in deep shit,shut up!
11.07.2009
Important corporative lessons 1
Three very important lessons in life.(which indubitably is a bitch).
Lesson 1:
One day a crow was staying on top of a tree without doing anything.
Then a rabbit came and asked him if he can stay near the tree without doing anything.
The crow answers :"Sure,why not?"
After a few minutes a fox appears and eats the rabbit.
Conclusion:To sit without doing anything you have to be above,high above.
Lesson 2:
A turkey really wanted to get on top of a tree.One day a bull said that if he eats his turd he will have enough power to reach the top of that tree.
The turkey tastes a bit an realizes that it gives him strength and so he managed to reach the first branch,the next day he took a bigger bite and managed to reach the second branch and after he ate a lot of it he managed to reach the top of the tree.
The next day a farmer shoot him so he could take him down.
Conclusion: Eating shit will help you reach the top,but it doesn't guarantee you're gonna stay there.
I'll tell you the last lesson in the next post.
Lesson 1:
One day a crow was staying on top of a tree without doing anything.
Then a rabbit came and asked him if he can stay near the tree without doing anything.
The crow answers :"Sure,why not?"
After a few minutes a fox appears and eats the rabbit.
Conclusion:To sit without doing anything you have to be above,high above.
Lesson 2:
A turkey really wanted to get on top of a tree.One day a bull said that if he eats his turd he will have enough power to reach the top of that tree.
The turkey tastes a bit an realizes that it gives him strength and so he managed to reach the first branch,the next day he took a bigger bite and managed to reach the second branch and after he ate a lot of it he managed to reach the top of the tree.
The next day a farmer shoot him so he could take him down.
Conclusion: Eating shit will help you reach the top,but it doesn't guarantee you're gonna stay there.
I'll tell you the last lesson in the next post.
Quotes about stupidity
Very touching quotes.
-"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
Bertrand Russell
-"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."
Thomas Szasz
-"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
George Bernard Shaw
-"Only in Britain could it be thought a defect to be 'too clever by half.' The probability is that too many people are too stupid by three-quarters."
John Major
-"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."
Confucius
-"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Albert Einstein
-"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
Bertrand Russell
-"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."
Thomas Szasz
-"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
George Bernard Shaw
-"Only in Britain could it be thought a defect to be 'too clever by half.' The probability is that too many people are too stupid by three-quarters."
John Major
-"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."
Confucius
-"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Albert Einstein
11.06.2009
The Man Code
1.Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.
2.Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3.Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4.Any man eating a banana while talking with another man can be considered gay.
5.You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B*LLSH$T. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%)
6.If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
7.The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
8.Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
9.No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
10.Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
11.Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
12.If a man dates his buddy's "ex" without permission ,that man is a backstabber and can be legally killed.
13.If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothing.
14.It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free...and you get a beer with it.
15.Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
16.If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
17.Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!", "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!", "Another set and we can hit the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
18.Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just mean.
19.Never leave a friend to drink alone
20.Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. Opening it is gay.
2.Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3.Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4.Any man eating a banana while talking with another man can be considered gay.
5.You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B*LLSH$T. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%)
6.If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
7.The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
8.Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
9.No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
10.Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
11.Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
12.If a man dates his buddy's "ex" without permission ,that man is a backstabber and can be legally killed.
13.If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothing.
14.It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free...and you get a beer with it.
15.Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
16.If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
17.Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!", "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!", "Another set and we can hit the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
18.Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just mean.
19.Never leave a friend to drink alone
20.Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. Opening it is gay.
11.05.2009
Stupid Students Essays
I didn't really know what to write about today and then I thought of what I wrote in some of my essays.Then I though i can't be the only person on this planet that writes bullshit in his essays,so I googled it and here's my post.
Probably in the next post I'll write my stupid things from essays.
1.The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
2.The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinness, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
3.Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
4.One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, the Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
5.The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
Probably in the next post I'll write my stupid things from essays.
1.The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
2.The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinness, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
3.Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
4.One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, the Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
5.The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
11.04.2009
Stupid Celebrity Quotes
When a person makes a mistake it makes a few people laugh,but when celebrities make a mistake they make they entire world laugh.
-Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
Miss Alabama, 1994 Miss USA Pageant
-"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researches also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
Mat Lauer, Today Show, NBC
-"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
David Dinkins, New York City Mayor answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
-"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
Brooke Shields
-"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks
-"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
Hillary Clinton
-"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."...no shit?I would have never though of that.
Charles De Gaulle, former French President
-"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
Marion Barry, Washing, D.C. Mayor
-"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
Dan Quayle, U.S. Vice President
That dude with long hair(or whatever it is) scares me.
-Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
Miss Alabama, 1994 Miss USA Pageant
-"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researches also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
Mat Lauer, Today Show, NBC
-"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
David Dinkins, New York City Mayor answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
-"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
Brooke Shields
-"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks
-"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
Hillary Clinton
-"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."...no shit?I would have never though of that.
Charles De Gaulle, former French President
-"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
Marion Barry, Washing, D.C. Mayor
-"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
Dan Quayle, U.S. Vice President
That dude with long hair(or whatever it is) scares me.
11.02.2009
The trip,the sea and me
This summer when I went in Syria and Jordan and there I visited many places ,but all the funny stuff (well funny for others) happened at the seas.Oh yeah and I'm kinda afraid of deep water mean you can't see wtf is down there.
In Syria I went at the Mediterranean Sea.
My father didn't like going at resorts because there were to many people,so he took me in places he went when he was young.
The first place.he woke me up around 7 AM and told me to get my shorts on and get in the car.We went at a beach which was almost empty,so I took my T-shirt off and ran in the water.I started swimming then when I made a break in 5 minutes after I put my foot on the ground I felt like I was sinking in the sand,for a moment I thought it was just me ,but then I felt the sand over my ankle,I managed to pull my legs out of the sand and swam at the shore.Then I talked with my dad.
Me"Dad,Wtf?I started to sink in the sand.Did you forget to tell me something?
Dad"Oh,yeah...well..aaa..didn't I tell you? In a few places the sand's moved by the water very fast so if where you're staying the water has 2 feet next to you it might have 6 feet,or sometimes the sand piles over your legs,so you can't stay more than 3 minutes in one place.I probably should have told you that."
Me"No shit!".
Second Place: This time we went around 6 PM,again it was a place where he used to swim when he was young,this time I asked him if there is anything he wasn't to tell me about that place.he said this time no surprises.I don't like it when he says that.
After we got there he gave me a snorkel and a mask because it was a good place for scuba diving.I decided that it would be better to swim a bit before scuba diving, I told my dad that he;s jumping first.
In the water I kept feeling things pinching me,I thought those were fish,but then i look around and realized that there weren't more than 10 people on the whole beach then I saw a sign,my dad said:
Dad"I don't think you want to know what's written on that sign."
Me"Amaze me"
Dad"Vally of the Jellyfish."
I put my mask on and looked under water,I think there were more than a 100 jellyfish around us.
Me"Are you insane god damn it?"
Dad"What I didn't see that sign before."
I think I never swam that fast in my whole life.That explained the pinching.
In Jordan I visited the Dead sea which I think everyone knows that it has the saltiest water in the world.
Dad"I bet 20$ you can't jump in the water and open your eyes after."
Without saying anything I ran and jumped in the water ,it was odd because the water pushed me up very fast,but when I opened my eyes ,I can't describe the feeling,my eyes hurt so bad that I couldn't open them 10 minutes,my dad rapidly came after me in the water and washed my eyes with normal water.
Dad"Wtf did you do that for?"
Me"Hey,you made that bet with me so you'd better have the money ready when I can open my eyes."
That's about it,I'll try to remember more fun stuff from my trips.
In Syria I went at the Mediterranean Sea.
My father didn't like going at resorts because there were to many people,so he took me in places he went when he was young.
The first place.he woke me up around 7 AM and told me to get my shorts on and get in the car.We went at a beach which was almost empty,so I took my T-shirt off and ran in the water.I started swimming then when I made a break in 5 minutes after I put my foot on the ground I felt like I was sinking in the sand,for a moment I thought it was just me ,but then I felt the sand over my ankle,I managed to pull my legs out of the sand and swam at the shore.Then I talked with my dad.
Me"Dad,Wtf?I started to sink in the sand.Did you forget to tell me something?
Dad"Oh,yeah...well..aaa..didn't I tell you? In a few places the sand's moved by the water very fast so if where you're staying the water has 2 feet next to you it might have 6 feet,or sometimes the sand piles over your legs,so you can't stay more than 3 minutes in one place.I probably should have told you that."
Me"No shit!".
Second Place: This time we went around 6 PM,again it was a place where he used to swim when he was young,this time I asked him if there is anything he wasn't to tell me about that place.he said this time no surprises.I don't like it when he says that.
After we got there he gave me a snorkel and a mask because it was a good place for scuba diving.I decided that it would be better to swim a bit before scuba diving, I told my dad that he;s jumping first.
In the water I kept feeling things pinching me,I thought those were fish,but then i look around and realized that there weren't more than 10 people on the whole beach then I saw a sign,my dad said:
Dad"I don't think you want to know what's written on that sign."
Me"Amaze me"
Dad"Vally of the Jellyfish."
I put my mask on and looked under water,I think there were more than a 100 jellyfish around us.
Me"Are you insane god damn it?"
Dad"What I didn't see that sign before."
I think I never swam that fast in my whole life.That explained the pinching.
In Jordan I visited the Dead sea which I think everyone knows that it has the saltiest water in the world.
Dad"I bet 20$ you can't jump in the water and open your eyes after."
Without saying anything I ran and jumped in the water ,it was odd because the water pushed me up very fast,but when I opened my eyes ,I can't describe the feeling,my eyes hurt so bad that I couldn't open them 10 minutes,my dad rapidly came after me in the water and washed my eyes with normal water.
Dad"Wtf did you do that for?"
Me"Hey,you made that bet with me so you'd better have the money ready when I can open my eyes."
That's about it,I'll try to remember more fun stuff from my trips.
10.31.2009
Reasons why men love guns more than women
I'll probably be called many names for this post,but it's too funny not to be posted.
15.You can dance with another woman without the gun shooting at you.
14.You don't invest a lot of money in guns and it won't go with someone else.
13.Guns can be used even when drunk.
12.A gun knows how to deal with somebody that makes fun of it.
11.A gun doesn't have to be sexy to kill.
10.You can trade an old .44 for a new 22.
9.You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
8.If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
7.Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
6.Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
5.A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
4.Guns function normally every day of the month.
3.A gun doesn't ask, 'Do these new grips make me look fat?'.
2.A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
1.YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN.
Many of them weren't made by me.
15.You can dance with another woman without the gun shooting at you.
14.You don't invest a lot of money in guns and it won't go with someone else.
13.Guns can be used even when drunk.
12.A gun knows how to deal with somebody that makes fun of it.
11.A gun doesn't have to be sexy to kill.
10.You can trade an old .44 for a new 22.
9.You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
8.If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
7.Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
6.Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
5.A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
4.Guns function normally every day of the month.
3.A gun doesn't ask, 'Do these new grips make me look fat?'.
2.A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
1.YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN.
Many of them weren't made by me.
Happy Halloween
I hope all of you are gonna have a happy Halloween full of candy and...well candy.
Costumes I recommend:
I'm sure that these costumes are gonna scare the crap out of people
-Mothers in law costume;
-Rick Roll costume;
-Paris Hilton;
-A clown ,I honestly find clowns very scary,I can't stand them.
I'll add to the list later until then have fun.
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Costumes I recommend:
I'm sure that these costumes are gonna scare the crap out of people
-Mothers in law costume;
-Rick Roll costume;
-Paris Hilton;
-A clown ,I honestly find clowns very scary,I can't stand them.
I'll add to the list later until then have fun.
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Tips for a goodnight's sleep
I tried all the following tips and they work more or less,so you could say their scientifically tested.
The old warm glass of milk doesn't work nowadays,it' just gonna make you wake up to go an take a piss.
1.An option would be to drink until you pass out,but waking up will be a problem.
2.Running towards a wall ram style is sure gonna make you sleep a while.And you're also gonna win a free turban.
3.Watch religious channels in bed,that's sure gonna make you sleep.Did you know that Christian Rock existed?It's lamer than Rick Roll.
4.Tell your grandpa or somebody to tell you how it was at war,or how thir life was when they were young.
5.Close the computer,the TV,the monitor because even though you can't see the light during the day,at night it can disturb you while sleeping even if you don't realize that.
6.Take a long hot bath before going to sleep when you're really tired.Remember toasters don't heat the water.
7.Sleep in your bed.
The old warm glass of milk doesn't work nowadays,it' just gonna make you wake up to go an take a piss.
1.An option would be to drink until you pass out,but waking up will be a problem.
2.Running towards a wall ram style is sure gonna make you sleep a while.And you're also gonna win a free turban.
3.Watch religious channels in bed,that's sure gonna make you sleep.Did you know that Christian Rock existed?It's lamer than Rick Roll.
4.Tell your grandpa or somebody to tell you how it was at war,or how thir life was when they were young.
5.Close the computer,the TV,the monitor because even though you can't see the light during the day,at night it can disturb you while sleeping even if you don't realize that.
6.Take a long hot bath before going to sleep when you're really tired.Remember toasters don't heat the water.
7.Sleep in your bed.
10.29.2009
Things you shouldn't do at a prom
Yesterday I went to the Freshman's prom and I saw things which people shouldn't do on proms.I mean some things are really fucked up.
First of all don't get too drunk,"too" is the key word,if you menage to make a difference between a plant and a toilet.
Anyways they main idea is not to get too wasted because you're gonna end up dancing with a she-whale.I think that was the grousest thing I've seen last night.
Alcohol can be a bitch sometimes.
Don't mess with the bodyguards because their gonna throw you out,although it's funny to mess with them.
Don't take your girlfriend/boyfriend with you,it's like taking your wife at a bachelor party,she/he is gonna stay near you and won't let you do anything and is they don't want to dance you can't dance neither can you.
Don't give alcohol too an idiot,you're gonna have him on your consicence, although it's funny to see a man dancing alone.
First of all don't get too drunk,"too" is the key word,if you menage to make a difference between a plant and a toilet.
Anyways they main idea is not to get too wasted because you're gonna end up dancing with a she-whale.I think that was the grousest thing I've seen last night.
Alcohol can be a bitch sometimes.
Don't mess with the bodyguards because their gonna throw you out,although it's funny to mess with them.
Don't take your girlfriend/boyfriend with you,it's like taking your wife at a bachelor party,she/he is gonna stay near you and won't let you do anything and is they don't want to dance you can't dance neither can you.
Don't give alcohol too an idiot,you're gonna have him on your consicence, although it's funny to see a man dancing alone.
10.25.2009
Things I realized until now
During the past years I realized many things,some of them very important:
-The fact that faring alone isn't fun,neither is watching movies.
-I realized that telling a girl she's fat gets you in a lot of shit, sometimes literally speaking.
-Eating sandwiches found under the bed not knowing since their there might get you in a "shitty" situation.
-You don't mess with Mother Nature,Mother Russia or God damned Mother In Law's.
-Math kills a lot of brain cells.
-Concentrating on a thing/human won't make them explode.
-I realized that my imagination sooner or later is gonna cause me a hart attack.
I mean holy crap sometimes at night I can't look outside the window because I think I'm gonna see a beheaded ghost(and I don't even watch horror movies)or worse... my future mother in law.
Sometimes it really sucks to have a lot of imagination.
-The fact that cleaning is useless.
-The chances of getting killed with a nail clipper are getting higher every day.
In my imagination she was harrier and had horns.And had a nail clipper.
-The fact that faring alone isn't fun,neither is watching movies.
-I realized that telling a girl she's fat gets you in a lot of shit, sometimes literally speaking.
-Eating sandwiches found under the bed not knowing since their there might get you in a "shitty" situation.
-You don't mess with Mother Nature,Mother Russia or God damned Mother In Law's.
-Math kills a lot of brain cells.
-Concentrating on a thing/human won't make them explode.
-I realized that my imagination sooner or later is gonna cause me a hart attack.
I mean holy crap sometimes at night I can't look outside the window because I think I'm gonna see a beheaded ghost(and I don't even watch horror movies)or worse... my future mother in law.
Sometimes it really sucks to have a lot of imagination.
-The fact that cleaning is useless.
-The chances of getting killed with a nail clipper are getting higher every day.
In my imagination she was harrier and had horns.And had a nail clipper.
A List Of Rappers and Gang Affiliation
A lot of famous rappers or not have been associated with different gangs across US.Some of them, as they gained notoriety revealed their affiliation.Or,as you know many used their afilliation , or fake affiliation as a marketing instrument.Any updates for the list are welcome as always.
Kelly Park Compton Crips : Eazy-E,MC Ren,Tweedy Bird Loc, Lil Nation(from CPO),AWOL (from Nationwide Rip Ridaz)
Rollin' 20's Crips : Snoop Dogg,Goldie Loc,Warren G,The Dove Shack
Rollin' 60's Crips : Kurupt,CJ Mac,Ice Cube,Kieta Rock,Tha Comradz
21st Street Crips : Daz Dillinger
19th Street Crips : Lil' C Style
Insane Crips : Tray Deee,Battlecat,Bad Azz,Swoop G
LBC Crips : Slip Capone,So Sentrelle,Lil' 1/2 Dead
Hoover Crips : South Central Cartel,Ice-T
Corner Pocket Crips : Coolio
111 Neighborhood Crips : W.C.
Nutty Blocc Compton Crips : B.G. Knocc Out,Dresta
South Side Compton Crips : Tone Loc
Tragnew Park Compton Crips : MC Eiht
Inglewood Imperial Village Crips : Big Syke
NHC 47 Blocc Crips (San Diego) : Jay-O Felony
Garden Blocc 19th Street Crips (Sacramento) : C Bo
P.J. Riverside Crips : New Breed Of Hustlas
357 Crips (Pomona) : Kokane
Atlantic Drive Crips : Scarface
Oakland Crips : Richie Rich
Palmdale Crips : Afroman
Crips : Da Lench Mob,Watts Gangsters,Kausion,Kam,Above The Law
Crips Black Mafia Family : Fabolous
WSGC 124 Crips Black Mafia Family : Young Jeezy
Cedar Block Pirus Bloods : The Game
Mob Piru Bloods : $uge Knight
Compton Tree Top Piru Bloods : Dj Quik,Hi C
Campanella Park Piru Bloods : Mausberg
Queen St Inglewood Bloods : Mack 10
Inglewood Family Bloods : All Frum Tha I,Tha Relativez,The Roaddawgs
Compton Piru Bloods : Tha Realest,Top Dogg,G.P.
89th Street Family Bloods : B-Real (Cypress Hill),Sinister
Pacioma Piru Bloods : Terror Twinz
Bounty Hunter Bloods : O.F.T.B.
Skyline Piru Bloods : Nuttz
Elm Street Piru Bloods : 2nd II None
West Side Piru Bloods (Carson Samoan Warriors) : Boo-Ya Tribe
Crenshaw Mafia Gangsta Blood : Lil' Hawk,Big Wye
Denver Lane Bloods : Damu Ridaz
Bloods : Sen Dog (Cypress Hill),DMX,2Pac (Tupac Shakur Amaru)
Black Spades : Afrika Bambaataa
South Los Angeles Sureños : Brownside
Sureños : Mr. Criminal
Norteno San Fer : Capone
Vice Lords : Twista
Gangster Disciples : Ca$his
List made by a friend.
I believe that one day the war between Crips and Bloods will end.
Kelly Park Compton Crips : Eazy-E,MC Ren,Tweedy Bird Loc, Lil Nation(from CPO),AWOL (from Nationwide Rip Ridaz)
Rollin' 20's Crips : Snoop Dogg,Goldie Loc,Warren G,The Dove Shack
Rollin' 60's Crips : Kurupt,CJ Mac,Ice Cube,Kieta Rock,Tha Comradz
21st Street Crips : Daz Dillinger
19th Street Crips : Lil' C Style
Insane Crips : Tray Deee,Battlecat,Bad Azz,Swoop G
LBC Crips : Slip Capone,So Sentrelle,Lil' 1/2 Dead
Hoover Crips : South Central Cartel,Ice-T
Corner Pocket Crips : Coolio
111 Neighborhood Crips : W.C.
Nutty Blocc Compton Crips : B.G. Knocc Out,Dresta
South Side Compton Crips : Tone Loc
Tragnew Park Compton Crips : MC Eiht
Inglewood Imperial Village Crips : Big Syke
NHC 47 Blocc Crips (San Diego) : Jay-O Felony
Garden Blocc 19th Street Crips (Sacramento) : C Bo
P.J. Riverside Crips : New Breed Of Hustlas
357 Crips (Pomona) : Kokane
Atlantic Drive Crips : Scarface
Oakland Crips : Richie Rich
Palmdale Crips : Afroman
Crips : Da Lench Mob,Watts Gangsters,Kausion,Kam,Above The Law
Crips Black Mafia Family : Fabolous
WSGC 124 Crips Black Mafia Family : Young Jeezy
Cedar Block Pirus Bloods : The Game
Mob Piru Bloods : $uge Knight
Compton Tree Top Piru Bloods : Dj Quik,Hi C
Campanella Park Piru Bloods : Mausberg
Queen St Inglewood Bloods : Mack 10
Inglewood Family Bloods : All Frum Tha I,Tha Relativez,The Roaddawgs
Compton Piru Bloods : Tha Realest,Top Dogg,G.P.
89th Street Family Bloods : B-Real (Cypress Hill),Sinister
Pacioma Piru Bloods : Terror Twinz
Bounty Hunter Bloods : O.F.T.B.
Skyline Piru Bloods : Nuttz
Elm Street Piru Bloods : 2nd II None
West Side Piru Bloods (Carson Samoan Warriors) : Boo-Ya Tribe
Crenshaw Mafia Gangsta Blood : Lil' Hawk,Big Wye
Denver Lane Bloods : Damu Ridaz
Bloods : Sen Dog (Cypress Hill),DMX,2Pac (Tupac Shakur Amaru)
Black Spades : Afrika Bambaataa
South Los Angeles Sureños : Brownside
Sureños : Mr. Criminal
Norteno San Fer : Capone
Vice Lords : Twista
Gangster Disciples : Ca$his
List made by a friend.
I believe that one day the war between Crips and Bloods will end.Belch Types
Definition:To expel gas loudly or rudely from the stomach through the mouth. aka Burp
There are many types of burps and we burped even when we were toddlers.I think I started even before I was born.
So I'll start from the cutest and end with the most terrifying and grouse burp.
1.The Baby Burp:
You know when the parents keep their babies son their shoulders and makes them burp.Sometimes puke.It depends when the parent showered last time.
2.The Beginners Burp:
When someone doesn't know how to burp "correctly" and makes a funny sound which doesn't really sound like a burp.
3.The Beer Burp:
It doesn't have a bad smell it usually smells like beer ,but the nice part at it is that it can be hard from long distances,usually used to signal someone's presence.
4.The "Fuck Off" Burp:
I use this one a lot,similar to the beer burp but not only that it can be heard from long distances but it also has a disgusting smell.
I usually do them during class,burping with my mouth closed the just blowing the smell to others,it really help if you're bored.
--->For maximum efficiency to be used in targets face<---
5.The Suicidal Burp:
This burp usually come after mixing onion,garlic,meatballs and coke.I call it suicidal because once while I was sitting at the computer I burped and it smelt worse than a fart,I mean Holy Crap I almost puked.
But it can be used to kill others if you keep it inside until you reach the target so you can burp in his face.
List made by BlackSnow
There are many types of burps and we burped even when we were toddlers.I think I started even before I was born.
So I'll start from the cutest and end with the most terrifying and grouse burp.
1.The Baby Burp:
You know when the parents keep their babies son their shoulders and makes them burp.Sometimes puke.It depends when the parent showered last time.
2.The Beginners Burp:
When someone doesn't know how to burp "correctly" and makes a funny sound which doesn't really sound like a burp.
3.The Beer Burp:
It doesn't have a bad smell it usually smells like beer ,but the nice part at it is that it can be hard from long distances,usually used to signal someone's presence.
4.The "Fuck Off" Burp:
I use this one a lot,similar to the beer burp but not only that it can be heard from long distances but it also has a disgusting smell.
I usually do them during class,burping with my mouth closed the just blowing the smell to others,it really help if you're bored.
--->For maximum efficiency to be used in targets face<---
5.The Suicidal Burp:
This burp usually come after mixing onion,garlic,meatballs and coke.I call it suicidal because once while I was sitting at the computer I burped and it smelt worse than a fart,I mean Holy Crap I almost puked.
But it can be used to kill others if you keep it inside until you reach the target so you can burp in his face.
List made by BlackSnow
10.23.2009
Man's Biggest Mistakes
1.Man's first biggest mistake is telling a woman she's fat or dumping her on a date.
2.Some of them failing to appreciated what God gave them and using it the wrong way.
You get it.
3.Trusting a blonde.
4.Creating nuclear warhead .
5.Thinking that he's intelligent...
Even the smartest man on earth can be considered stupid.
6.Taking a woman/man/shemale/maleshe(not sure about these)... home when drunk.
7.Believing every god damn thing they hear at the news.
This is just a short list of man's mistakes.The list is endless.
May the Fork be with you.The Fork is within you,you just need to find it.
This ain't a man but dogs are man's best friend so it can be explained.
2.Some of them failing to appreciated what God gave them and using it the wrong way.
You get it.
3.Trusting a blonde.
4.Creating nuclear warhead .
5.Thinking that he's intelligent...
Even the smartest man on earth can be considered stupid.
6.Taking a woman/man/shemale/maleshe(not sure about these)... home when drunk.
7.Believing every god damn thing they hear at the news.
This is just a short list of man's mistakes.The list is endless.
May the Fork be with you.The Fork is within you,you just need to find it.
This ain't a man but dogs are man's best friend so it can be explained.
Adam and Eve Joke
How it all started.
One day God told Adam :
"You can't live alone forever,if you give me one arm,one leg and a kidney I'm gonna create the perfect match for you,a "WOMAN" which will always help you,cook,take care of your children and do the house work."
Then Adam asked:
"What can I get for a rib?"
One day God told Adam :
"You can't live alone forever,if you give me one arm,one leg and a kidney I'm gonna create the perfect match for you,a "WOMAN" which will always help you,cook,take care of your children and do the house work."
Then Adam asked:
"What can I get for a rib?"
10.22.2009
Fart types
Farting is a tricky thing,you never know how it's gonna come or how.
1.We have the Silent Assassin,although it's silent the terror and pain it causes is unimaginable ,indoors it can reach a range of 5-10 meters in less than 2 minutes.Most people don't survive them.
2.Bubble fart:
You sometimes think that you have to take a shit,but when you go the toilet you feel like a bubble appears in your ass then nothing come's out.And it usually doesn't stink.
3.Big Kahuna:
I call it like this because of the sound it makes,this type of fart usually get's out in silent public places where everybody can hear you.
4.Wet fart:
This one usually come out nasty ,it gives you the impression that you messed up your underwear,although sometimes it's not just an impression.
5.The KFC Fart:
This one is stinky and painful ,after eating some spicy food from KFC when you less expect it ,it will come and when it comes not even God knows what's gonna happen.
6.The "Holy Mother Of Crap!"Fart :
Usually comes after eating a lot of canned beans with hot pepper,not only that it make a" holy mother of crap" sound but it also stinks like that.
7.Strategic Bomb Drop Fart:
You need a lot of skill for this one,it's not so loud and not so stinky ,usually done on purpose just to annoy or just to tell someone to Fuck Off in a stylish way.
8.Under Water Fart :
Appears in romantic moments and it stinks.It can be used for fishing,one fart in the water and half of the ocean is gonna stay with it's belly up.
Caution!
Don't Fart Near Open Fire Extremely Inflammable.
P.S. Women fart as much as men do.
Made By BlackSnow
1.We have the Silent Assassin,although it's silent the terror and pain it causes is unimaginable ,indoors it can reach a range of 5-10 meters in less than 2 minutes.Most people don't survive them.
2.Bubble fart:
You sometimes think that you have to take a shit,but when you go the toilet you feel like a bubble appears in your ass then nothing come's out.And it usually doesn't stink.
3.Big Kahuna:
I call it like this because of the sound it makes,this type of fart usually get's out in silent public places where everybody can hear you.
4.Wet fart:
This one usually come out nasty ,it gives you the impression that you messed up your underwear,although sometimes it's not just an impression.
5.The KFC Fart:
This one is stinky and painful ,after eating some spicy food from KFC when you less expect it ,it will come and when it comes not even God knows what's gonna happen.
6.The "Holy Mother Of Crap!"Fart :
Usually comes after eating a lot of canned beans with hot pepper,not only that it make a" holy mother of crap" sound but it also stinks like that.
7.Strategic Bomb Drop Fart:
You need a lot of skill for this one,it's not so loud and not so stinky ,usually done on purpose just to annoy or just to tell someone to Fuck Off in a stylish way.
8.Under Water Fart :
Appears in romantic moments and it stinks.It can be used for fishing,one fart in the water and half of the ocean is gonna stay with it's belly up.
Caution!
Don't Fart Near Open Fire Extremely Inflammable.
P.S. Women fart as much as men do.
Made By BlackSnow
10.19.2009
Superstitions
In time human kind stupidity invented a lot of ridiculous superstitions to scare other people or just to give them hope.Which doesn't really matter because none of them really work.
Some which are well known:
-If a black cat crosses your path you will have bad luck.
Only if you hit it with your car and ruin your paint job.Or if it jumps from a tree right on you and scares the holy crap out of you.Happened to me.
-That garlic protects from evil spirits and vampires.
And it also protects you from going out on dates.
-To break a mirror will bring you seven years bad luck.
Well if that person is so damn ugly that he/she managed to break that mirror I'd say they have more than 7 years of bad luck coming.
-If you walk under a ladder, you will have bad luck.
Only if on the ladder there is a fat ass worker which farts when you walk under it or if you're really lucky he might just fall on you.Pancake style.
-If the flame of a candle flickers and then turns blue, there's a spirit in the room.
Or someone just farted.
-Washing a car will bring rain.
This isn't a superstition this is one of Murphy's laws.
-If a person experiences great horror, their hair turns white.
That's usually called marriage or children.
Some which are well known:
-If a black cat crosses your path you will have bad luck.
Only if you hit it with your car and ruin your paint job.Or if it jumps from a tree right on you and scares the holy crap out of you.Happened to me.
-That garlic protects from evil spirits and vampires.
And it also protects you from going out on dates.
-To break a mirror will bring you seven years bad luck.
Well if that person is so damn ugly that he/she managed to break that mirror I'd say they have more than 7 years of bad luck coming.
-If you walk under a ladder, you will have bad luck.
Only if on the ladder there is a fat ass worker which farts when you walk under it or if you're really lucky he might just fall on you.Pancake style.
-If the flame of a candle flickers and then turns blue, there's a spirit in the room.
Or someone just farted.
-Washing a car will bring rain.
This isn't a superstition this is one of Murphy's laws.
-If a person experiences great horror, their hair turns white.
That's usually called marriage or children.
10.18.2009
10.17.2009
Random Joke Day
1.An actor asked his director:"What do you think,how did I kill Desdemona?"
Director:"You killed her,but I think you killed Shakespeare first."
2."Sir ,sir why are you leaving? the play hasn't finished yet."
"That's the reason I'm leaving."
3.Why didn't Bruce Willis play in the Titanic?
Because he would have saved everyone from death.
4.Two drunk men meet:
1:"Did you have breakfast this morning?"
2:"Nope,not a single drop."
5.Two drunk men meet at night.
1:"Tell is that white thing on the sky the Moon?"
2:"I don't know I'm not from this neighborhood."
Director:"You killed her,but I think you killed Shakespeare first."
2."Sir ,sir why are you leaving? the play hasn't finished yet."
"That's the reason I'm leaving."
3.Why didn't Bruce Willis play in the Titanic?
Because he would have saved everyone from death.
4.Two drunk men meet:
1:"Did you have breakfast this morning?"
2:"Nope,not a single drop."
5.Two drunk men meet at night.
1:"Tell is that white thing on the sky the Moon?"
2:"I don't know I'm not from this neighborhood."
10.15.2009
I love my country III
God's shovel.
Pus the pedal to the metal.We're losing them.
Fresh meat.
I can see what the problem is,we don't have an engine,try starting it again.
I'm in pursuit.
Pus the pedal to the metal.We're losing them.
Fresh meat.
I can see what the problem is,we don't have an engine,try starting it again.
I'm in pursuit.
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