11.06.2009

The Man Code

1.Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.

2.Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

3.Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4.Any man eating a banana while talking with another man can be considered gay.

5.You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B*LLSH$T. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%)

6.If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

7.The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

8.Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

9.No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

10.Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

11.Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

12.If a man dates his buddy's "ex" without permission ,that man is a backstabber and can be legally killed.

13.If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothing.

14.It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free...and you get a beer with it.

15.Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

16.If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

17.Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!", "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!", "Another set and we can hit the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

18.Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just mean.

19.Never leave a friend to drink alone

20.Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. Opening it is gay.

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