How to see if your neighbors are complete idiots

I'm sure that everybody has,or had, stupid neighbors,these are just a few thing that happened to me.

1.While I was sleeping a neighbor came and started ringing at the door insistently ,so I woke up and went to see whats the problem.
I put up a smile and opened the door:

Me:"What seems to be the problem?"
Idiot:"I came to tell you to stop the music."
Me:"aaa... I know I start making funny noises when I sleep,but I don't rememebr being able to sing that loud."
Idiot:"Oh..you were sleeping...that means the music is coming from my sons room."
Me:"No shit?"
And I live at a house....

2.When my house was under construction I had a huge pile of sand in from of the house and one day I saw my damn neighbor taking it.
Me:"Wtf are you doing here?"
Idiot:"Well I though I could take some of it because I saw that you don't need it."
Me:"Oh so you didn't see the damn hose near the pile which is under construction?"
Idiot:"Ohhh.."

And more in another post.