How I understand sayings

I usually understand in my way sayings before I process them,to understand what they really mean.

1.An apple per day keeps the doctor away.
So if I gather apples every day when I go to the doctor I throw with them at him.

2.A picture is worth a thousand words.
I still got a F for drawing a picture instead of writing an essay.

3.Teamwork…means never having to take all the blame yourself.
It means you didn't do anything and it's the rest of the team's fault.

4.Speak softly and carry a big stick, you will go far.
I'm sure that the one who said this wasn't thinking at what I'm thinking.And I ain't saying what I'm thinking.

5.Money can’t buy you happiness.
But it sure sustains it.

6.Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
And sometimes it just stinks.

7.There is a light at the end of every tunnel.
And it's a damn train.

8.Happiness is the best face lift.
If you're to happy (gay) eventually some is gonna come and lift your face(your nose to be more precise).

9.The mind is like a parachute.
It doesn’t work unless it’s open.

10.Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.
Teacher talk...students sleep.

Didaskaleinophobia

This a dreadful disease..spread all around the world...everybody surfers from it...well..almost everybody who doesn't suffer from it suffers from geekness the only cure for this one is a silver bullet in the head.

Didaskaleinophobia is the fear of attending school and it had terrorized humans since the beginning of time.

Symptoms that you contacted didaskaleinophobia:
-you feel dizziness and your feet shaking when you're around the school;
-the constant need to go at the toilet;
-your heart beats faster;
-excessive sweating;
-living with the fear that you could die any moment hit by a spitball.

Ways to cure it:
It a very long and hard procedure:

-you have to take a short vacation and it's important you don't hear anything related to school.NO smartass jokes,NO references to how hard it is at school,NO teacher names.

-when you go back to school the first weeks you have to sleep during classes;

-and finally in the last 2 weeks of school you can start attending classes.

After the Summer Break you have to start all over again.


In the past days I've been busy and I couldn't post anything,soon I'm gonna start posting daily again.

How to see if a man is gay

These signs will help you in life...hopefully if your a man your best friend isn't gay.
If he is...the if you really are his best friend...put him out of his misery.

1.If a man talks a lot about your muscles and keep trying to touch them.That ain't right.

2.If a man eats a banana and talks about sex with another man.

3.If he makes a strange squeak if he's scared.

4.If a man assists in a discussion about how other men look with women.

5.When a man has a rainbow in his room.

6.Considers a fruitcake as being a nice gift.

7.Has a funny German accent.

Signs that you're talking with a stupid person

Until now I met a lot of stupid people,so I can easily see whether I'm talking with somebody or I'm just discussing politics with a vegetable.I'm not a genius planet,but some people are really stupid.

1.When you make fun of them,they they say:
"You're just making fun of me..."
you say :
"No,I'm not...I swear."
they say:
"Oh...(thinking)...OK."

-When you discuss something serious with them,they look very lost,trying to understand the fundamentals of the universe and what the fuck you're saying.

-When the only answer you her from them is "yes" or "I agree".Now you see the similarities between stupid people and politicians?

-Their gonna do about anything you tell them.

-When that person talks a lot and you don't understand anything.Again do you see the similarities between stupid people and politicians?

-When they try to use very complicated words and end up saying funny stuff.
"As Medulla oblongata influences our tintinnabulation which is quintessential we reached the conclusion that cookies are good...AAA...God Bless America!"

-When you have the sensation that you're talking with a tree.

-Always have a dumb impression on their face.

Inspired by the best.:D

Parody Religions

1.Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, also known as Pastafarianism, a parody of intelligent design.
I consider that spaghetti is very important but dudes...

2.Frisbeetarianism, a belief system created by American comedian George Carlin. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul is metaphorically tossed on a roof and simply stays there.
I know how that feels.

3.Invisible Pink Unicorn, a parody of theist definitions of God. It also highlights the arbitrary and unfalsifiable nature of religious belief, in a similar way to Russell's teapot.

Hey hey hey this one is real ,because I know that the pink unicorn takes you to the leprechauns pot of gold.

4.Last Thursdayism, a joke version of omphalism, created to demonstrate problems with unfalsifiable beliefs.
I know what you did last Thursday.

5.The Church of Google claiming Google is the closest thing human beings could find for a God.
Well we do find all our answers on Google.And if we die we will end up in supercomputer(heaven) or a 1gb memory stick(hell).

6.The Cult of Michael Jackson Translates Michael Jackson songs into parody scriptures. Teaches that if believers follow these translations it will lead to an enlightened life and bring peace on earth.
"All shall bring their children to me,or die slain by my nose."

7.The Dragon In My Garage coined by astronomer and astrochemist Carl Sagan.
I don't know about the dragon in my garage,but that Sandwich monster from under my bed really scares me.

8.The Great Pumpkin, a Santa Claus–like being in the comic strip Peanuts, an application of Christmas mythology to Halloween.

Real letters sent to landlords

While I was at school I keep thinking how stupid can some people be,then I though of some funny letters I wrote and I found this on the internet.


1."Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."

2."I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my nob off."

3."This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."

4."I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."

5."I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."

6."Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."

7."When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."

8."The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."

My Shop

21st Century Fail

Click on the image for a better view.


Daughter:"Mom...how can I get pregnant?"
Mom:"Well from where the fuck should I know,you're adopted..now go in your room and Google it."

Important corporative lessons 2

Lesson 3:

A bird was migrating south for the winter.
Being very cold the bird couldn't fly anymore and felt on a field.

While she was freezing to death on the ground a cow passed by and covered her in turd.

The bird realized that the turd kept her warm and started to feel better.Happy,she started to sing.

Then a cat passed near the turd and heard her singing so she went to see what's going on.

The cat found the bird,took her out of the turd,cleaned her then ate her.

From this we can reach 3 conclusions:

1.Not everybody who bury you in shit is an enemy.
2.Not everybody who take's yo out of shit is your friend.
3.When you're in deep shit,shut up!

Important corporative lessons 1

Three very important lessons in life.(which indubitably is a bitch).

Lesson 1:

One day a crow was staying on top of a tree without doing anything.
Then a rabbit came and asked him if he can stay near the tree without doing anything.
The crow answers :"Sure,why not?"
After a few minutes a fox appears and eats the rabbit.

Conclusion:To sit without doing anything you have to be above,high above.

Lesson 2:

A turkey really wanted to get on top of a tree.One day a bull said that if he eats his turd he will have enough power to reach the top of that tree.
The turkey tastes a bit an realizes that it gives him strength and so he managed to reach the first branch,the next day he took a bigger bite and managed to reach the second branch and after he ate a lot of it he managed to reach the top of the tree.

The next day a farmer shoot him so he could take him down.

Conclusion: Eating shit will help you reach the top,but it doesn't guarantee you're gonna stay there.

I'll tell you the last lesson in the next post.

Quotes about stupidity

Very touching quotes.

-"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
Bertrand Russell

-"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."
Thomas Szasz

-"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
George Bernard Shaw

-"Only in Britain could it be thought a defect to be 'too clever by half.' The probability is that too many people are too stupid by three-quarters."
John Major

-"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."
Confucius

-"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Albert Einstein

The Man Code

1.Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.

2.Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

3.Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4.Any man eating a banana while talking with another man can be considered gay.

5.You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B*LLSH$T. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%)

6.If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

7.The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

8.Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

9.No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

10.Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

11.Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

12.If a man dates his buddy's "ex" without permission ,that man is a backstabber and can be legally killed.

13.If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothing.

14.It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free...and you get a beer with it.

15.Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

16.If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

17.Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!", "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!", "Another set and we can hit the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

18.Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just mean.

19.Never leave a friend to drink alone

20.Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. Opening it is gay.

Stupid Students Essays

I didn't really know what to write about today and then I thought of what I wrote in some of my essays.Then I though i can't be the only person on this planet that writes bullshit in his essays,so I googled it and here's my post.

Probably in the next post I'll write my stupid things from essays.

1.The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

2.The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinness, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

3.Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

4.One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, the Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

5.The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

Stupid Celebrity Quotes

When a person makes a mistake it makes a few people laugh,but when celebrities make a mistake they make they entire world laugh.

-Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
Miss Alabama, 1994 Miss USA Pageant

-"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researches also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
Mat Lauer, Today Show, NBC

-"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
David Dinkins, New York City Mayor answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

-"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
Brooke Shields

-"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks

-"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
Hillary Clinton

-"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."...no shit?I would have never though of that.
Charles De Gaulle, former French President

-"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
Marion Barry, Washing, D.C. Mayor

-"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
Dan Quayle, U.S. Vice President



That dude with long hair(or whatever it is) scares me.

The trip,the sea and me

This summer when I went in Syria and Jordan and there I visited many places ,but all the funny stuff (well funny for others) happened at the seas.Oh yeah and I'm kinda afraid of deep water mean you can't see wtf is down there.

In Syria I went at the Mediterranean Sea.

My father didn't like going at resorts because there were to many people,so he took me in places he went when he was young.

The first place.he woke me up around 7 AM and told me to get my shorts on and get in the car.We went at a beach which was almost empty,so I took my T-shirt off and ran in the water.I started swimming then when I made a break in 5 minutes after I put my foot on the ground I felt like I was sinking in the sand,for a moment I thought it was just me ,but then I felt the sand over my ankle,I managed to pull my legs out of the sand and swam at the shore.Then I talked with my dad.

Me"Dad,Wtf?I started to sink in the sand.Did you forget to tell me something?

Dad"Oh,yeah...well..aaa..didn't I tell you? In a few places the sand's moved by the water very fast so if where you're staying the water has 2 feet next to you it might have 6 feet,or sometimes the sand piles over your legs,so you can't stay more than 3 minutes in one place.I probably should have told you that."

Me"No shit!".


Second Place: This time we went around 6 PM,again it was a place where he used to swim when he was young,this time I asked him if there is anything he wasn't to tell me about that place.he said this time no surprises.I don't like it when he says that.

After we got there he gave me a snorkel and a mask because it was a good place for scuba diving.I decided that it would be better to swim a bit before scuba diving, I told my dad that he;s jumping first.

In the water I kept feeling things pinching me,I thought those were fish,but then i look around and realized that there weren't more than 10 people on the whole beach then I saw a sign,my dad said:
Dad"I don't think you want to know what's written on that sign."
Me"Amaze me"
Dad"Vally of the Jellyfish."
I put my mask on and looked under water,I think there were more than a 100 jellyfish around us.
Me"Are you insane god damn it?"
Dad"What I didn't see that sign before."
I think I never swam that fast in my whole life.That explained the pinching.

In Jordan I visited the Dead sea which I think everyone knows that it has the saltiest water in the world.
Dad"I bet 20$ you can't jump in the water and open your eyes after."

Without saying anything I ran and jumped in the water ,it was odd because the water pushed me up very fast,but when I opened my eyes ,I can't describe the feeling,my eyes hurt so bad that I couldn't open them 10 minutes,my dad rapidly came after me in the water and washed my eyes with normal water.
Dad"Wtf did you do that for?"
Me"Hey,you made that bet with me so you'd better have the money ready when I can open my eyes."

That's about it,I'll try to remember more fun stuff from my trips.